Hella Solutions blog: "Document. Share. Inspire."

Honestly, I really can’t believe that I’m actually going to South Africa. It feels like it happened so quickly! However, the idea has been floating around for many months but it always seemed about as likely as it is far. So, it seemed like a fantasy until until just the other day, while in a café in Berkeley, I bit the bullet and borrowed more money and figured I could find a way to pay it back some how some way. The price of not going seems to me to outweigh the cost of staying state-side. Therefore, the countdown begins: 17 days until I depart! I’m trying to finish up the quarter here in Santa Cruz and get all the items I’ll need to take care of business. The first order of business is to finish my rewrite of my creative treatment for my project. An experience I can only relate to giving birth (or at least my idea of what it must be like); both extremely painful and ultimately rewarding, yet full of the anxieties of what “could be.” I constantly worry about giving birth to a “problem” child! Sixteen arms and one leg? 41 eyes and no mouth? The next Jeffrey Dommer? I think that is my greatest fear about going to Africa (no, not that I’m going to eat people! Come on folks! This is serious!). Anyway, now that I’m actually going it feels like my project “has” to really be good or at least that much better. And what if it isn’t? What if, in a certain vernacular, it sucks ass?! The expectations within me have grown exponentially and I’m feeling like I want to toss it all aside. I hate the creative process yet I can’t live without it. I reckon it’s time to re-read Anne Lamott’s book, “Bird by Bird.” Stay tuned for more on the creative process and how it wreaks havoc on the soul…

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